


Calm Him Down

by Lucespes



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, ryuuki are best friends and you just have to deal with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 02:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22488637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucespes/pseuds/Lucespes
Summary: Even professionals mess up.
Relationships: Tsunashi Ryuunosuke/Yaotome Gaku
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	Calm Him Down

"TRIGGER! TRIGGER!" 

The roar of the crowd in front of him makes Ryuu's heart swell. He'll never get used to this. Ever.

"Thank you for having us!" Tenn's voice booms over the speaker system, sending the fans into a frenzy. He's so charismatic that even Ryuu wants to cheer for him. 

"Encore! Encore!"

Tenn seems surprised by the calls of the fans, and he turns to Ryuu and then to Gaku, a playful smile on his lips. "Well, I guess we could do... one more song..." he purrs. Ryuu smiles at his bandmates. The audience doesn't have to know that they planned on doing an extra song regardless of demands from the crowd. What they don't know won't hurt them. 

Tenn's playful coos are met with a loud roar of approval, and he nods once. "Well, we won't keep you waiting any longer!"

Music starts, and Ryuu can feel the bass line in his blood. The sound of music pumps him up, and he falls in behind Tenn and next to Gaku as they start dancing. 

Ryuu has been dancing since he was a child. He remembers performing for his brothers and father in their dining room. He had always loved putting smiles on their faces, and as he looks out into the crowd, though the bright lights make it so he can't see any one individual, he can feel the happiness radiating from the fans in front of him.

He's so caught up in the thrill of performing that he loses his place in the song, and he doesn't come in when he's supposed to.

Gaku's voice lingers in the heavy space that Ryuu's voice should be filling, and the light sticks in the crowd seem to skip a beat as Ryuu's heart leaps to his throat. He comes in at the next line, skipping the first line entirely, and he can hear the shakiness to his voice through the earpieces he wears. The sound makes him sick to his stomach.

He can feel Gaku and Tenn's eyes on him, but he doesn't dare meet their gazes. Sure, everyone messes up from time to time, but Ryuu is a professional. He holds himself to a higher standard. 

He sings through the rest of the song almost mechanically, and he knows that his performance is off-putting to the fans. The blue light sticks in the crowd that designate his fans seem to have a hesitation in their movements, and he knows if he doesn't get off stage soon, he's going to empty his stomach right in front of everyone. He's made his fans worry. 

_Unforgivable._

He forces himself to bow and wave as per usual at the end of their concerts, and it takes every ounce of his willpower to not bolt off stage while Tenn and Gaku say goodbye. He manages out a quick farewell message for everyone as well, and then he's turning to practically run offstage where he vaguely registers Anesagi's presence. 

He pushes past her, clutching at his stomach. Maybe if he can blame illness, he won't get ripped apart. Maybe if he can pretend that there was a valid reason for his slip-up, he can quench the fear that chills him to the bone.

He hears Anesagi's garbled voice from behind him, and then Tenn and Gaku's worried voices fill his ears, too, but he doesn't turn around. He can't face them. He pushes through security members and lighting crew, storming past the dressing rooms and out into the alley behind the venue. He texts the first number in his phone that he can think of, and he strips his jacket off, feeling too claustrophobic in it.

Ryuu doesn't register Yuki's car pulling into the alley, and he doesn't register Yuki's voice calling out to him. He finally comes to at the feeling of Yuki's hand clasping his shoulder and shaking him. 

He looks down into Yuki's concerned eyes, and he crumples.

Tears that he had so desperately been fighting back fall from his eyes and land on Yuki's shoulder, and his body jolts with the sobs that escape him. Yuki doesn't say anything, just leads Ryuu to the passenger seat of his car, and he helps Ryuu sit. Ryuu's head falls into his hands as Yuki hurries around to the driver's seat, and his broken sobs fill the air between them as Yuki begins to drive.

He cries until he literally can't anymore, and it's then that Yuki finally speaks. "Ryuu-kun," he says in his gentle voice. Ryuu admits that the sound of his best friend's voice immediately instills calmness in the storm of anxiety that lingers in his mind. "I'm not going to ask you to explain anything. But I need to know if you're okay. Are you hurt?"

He mutely shakes his head. "No," he mumbles.

"Okay. I'm going to take you home. We'll make tea, and we'll get through this," Yuki tells him, and the confidence with which he says it makes Ryuu's heart feel a little lighter.

They fall back into silence, as Ryuu's head throbs from how hard he cried. It isn't until they're getting out of the car that the silence is pierced, and Yuki's ringtone causes Ryuu to jolt in surprise. He glances over as Yuki lifts the phone to his ear.

"Gaku-kun," he greets, and Ryuu's eyes widen. "Yes, I'm with him. He texted me, and I took him home." He pauses as Gaku answers. "Yes, I'll stay with him until you get here. Okay, see you soon."

He puts his phone back in his pocket and turns to Ryuu, smiling patiently at him. "Gaku-kun was worried. He's going to come see you," he explains, and Ryuu doesn't have the energy in him to argue, so he simply nods and makes his way to his room. 

Yuki follows him inside and makes a beeline for Ryuu's kitchen while Ryuu weakly lays down on his couch. He stares up at the ceiling, his head pounding. 

He messed up in front of thousands of fans. He let Tenn down. He let Gaku down. 

He closes his eyes and presses his hands to his face, his breathing heavy and sporadic. He feels lightheaded. He might pass out.

He hears the sound of a mug being placed on the table, and he feels a weight press into the couch at his side. He tears his hands away from his face to see Yuki sitting on the floor with his back against the couch, sipping out of one of Ryuu's mugs. He doesn't say anything, but Ryuu's rampant thoughts of his failure are quieted by his friend's presence. 

He turns onto his side, the leather in his outfit crinkling with the motion. "Yuki-san," he mumbles, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. Yuki glances back at him, his eyes understanding. It gives Ryuu courage to continue. "I messed up."

When Yuki stays quiet, Ryuu continues. 

"I was thinking about my brothers and my dad... And I forgot to sing. I forgot to sing, Yuki! Everyone is probably so disappointed in me... I'm going to get yelled at when I see Anesagi-san next... And Tenn and Gaku... I can't make it up to them. I failed them. I let them down." He rambles, Yuki never interrupting him or stopping him. Yuki just listens, sipping his tea. 

Finally, when Ryuu sputters out of steam, Yuki replies. "Have I ever told you about the time where I performed while I had a cold?" he asks, and the change of subject startles Ryuu. He shakes his head. "It was back when Re:vale was me and Ban. I was young... and I thought I was invincible. Turns out I get sick just like everyone else. The thing is, I still wanted to perform. I didn't want to let anyone down, not Ban, not our fans. So I performed. Well... I tried to at least. I couldn't get through a single line without coughing. Finally the crowd got so upset seeing me like that that they called out to Ban, and he made me sit down on the edge of the stage. He sat next to me, and he sang my lines for me."

Ryuu frowned. "How come I never heard about this?" he asks.

"I get embarrassed thinking about it," Yuki admits with a sheepish laugh. "But my point is this: no one cares if you mess up, Ryuu-kun. What your fans and bandmates care about is your wellbeing. That's why Gaku-kun called me. He wasn't upset with you for missing a line. He was worried that you weren't safe."

He swallows hard, a wave of shame washing over him. He feels selfish. 

The door crashes open, and Ryuu looks up in terror just in time to see Gaku running at him, and he doesn't have any time to brace himself as Gaku takes his face in his hands and stares at him, his piercing grey eyes gluing Ryuu to his seat. He opens his mouth to question him, but Gaku pinches his cheek lightly, and he shuts it promptly. 

He feels Yuki move to stand, patting Gaku on the shoulder as he passes him. "Text me when you get him calmed down. I'll bring some food and alcohol over," he calls, and Ryuu hears the front door shut behind him a few moments later. 

He's alone with Gaku now, who is still holding his face and staring into his eyes with an unreadable expression.

"Don't you ever leave the venue without telling someone where you're going," he says sternly, and Ryuu's eyes widen. Gaku sounds like he's on the verge of tears himself. "Am I understood?"

Ryuu nods as much as Gaku's grip on his face will allow him. "Y-Yeah..."

The sound of Ryuu's voice is all it takes for Gaku's face to fall, and he moves his hands in order to wrap his arms around Ryuu in a constricting hug. Ryuu doesn't really understand what's gotten into him. 

"Gaku...?"

"You're so hard on yourself..." Gaku mutters, holding Ryuu close. Ryuu feels his heart break. He made Gaku sad. "You don't show it, but you try so hard to be our rock. You work so hard to support us that when you need support, you panic and run."

Gaku pulls back and cups Ryuu's jaw, his thumb tenderly outlining Ryuu's cheekbone. He leans forward and places a gentle kiss on Ryuu's nose, and Ryuu feels his anxiety start to melt away. "Gaku... I'm sorry," he says quietly, a stray tear slipping down his cheek. Gaku promptly wipes it away.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Okay?" he says, a gentle smile tugging at his lips. Ryuu's chest untightens at the sight. "Everyone had a great time tonight. A year from now, no one will remember the last song. They'll remember the fun they had at the TRIGGER concert they went to. Okay?"

Ryuu nods, and Gaku places a kiss on his lips, lingering there as Ryuu kisses him back. "O-Okay."

Gaku pulls back, ruffling Ryuu's hair. He reaches for the mug that Yuki left for Ryuu, and he hands him the tea carefully. "Drink this. We'll have a lazy night tonight. You have nothing to worry about. Those fans will all still love you tomorrow. No one is mad at you. You're okay."

He sits next to Ryuu, who immediately lays his head on his shoulder. He reaches for Gaku's hand and interlaces their fingers, smiling to himself. 

"I love you, Gaku," he says so quietly that he's practically whispering.

Gaku squeezes his hand and kisses the top of his head. "I love you, too, Ryuu."

**Author's Note:**

> twitter || twitter.com/tsvnashii


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